Should

Evaluation is such a natural part of our everyday lives that most of the time we aren’t even conscious of the role it plays. While letting many of life’s processes remain unconscious is a valuable way to conserve our limited attention, I believe that occasionally looking under the hood to understand the functioning of our evaluative engines can also be helpful.

A great place to start can be learning to recognize the words we commonly use that spark an evaluative reaction. For example, questions about ‘why’ prompt a response with ‘because’ in a clear evaluative pattern. The use of the word ‘should’ is another good indicator that our evaluative engine has kicked in. Thoughts like “I should be farther along by now” express falling short of some standard. Similarly, “they shouldn’t have… ” expresses the conclusion that someone has missed the mark against some criteria or standard. “Should’ indicates we’re doing evaluation because it implies a benchmark (generally unconscious) against which we are measuring.

If we want to make better judgements and find more peace with the lives we’re living, we ‘should’ be more intentional about our ‘shoulds’!